I have been thinking about someone quite skilled at scapegoating. That got me thinking about apologies. This led to the question in the title of this post:

What Is the Best Worst Apology You Have Ever Received?

I have two. One I have mentioned previously:

I am sorry for whatever it is you think I have done to you.

I am still impressed by how that one was crafted. “I did nothing wrong, but since you have an issue with me, I’m sorry for whatever it is.” Now if the individual didn’t know what was up, a curious person might have asked, “Could you please help me understand why you are upset?”  and then listened to you. 

But this ‘apology’ asked, “Can’t you just get over your issue, pretend it never happened so I can just keep doing my thing and not have to own my bad behaviour?”

And number two:

I have already apologised to God and to you for everything I have ever done.

Another classic. First, they claim God is on their side—major power move. “God has obviously forgiven me, so if you don’t, that is on you”.

Second, they do not need to apologise for specific things they have done because they have already apologised for everything they have ever done (and how dare you ask for even more). 

The type of people who utter these types of apologies love to claim that there is no reconciliation in the relationship because you have not forgiven them. 

People who make these types of apologies also feel comfortable telling you what is in your heart or on your mind.

You need to “move on”, “turn back the clock”, just get over it and sweep everything under the rug.

They don’t want to accept any responsibility for how their behaviour. If only you would forgive, then everything would be good again. 

But healthy people recognise that you can forgive AND decide that there are consequences to someone’s actions. If you come into my house and steal from me, I will forgive you, but I am not letting you wander around my house unsupervised.

Okay, your turn. What is the best worst apology you have ever heard?

Need some tips on a proper apology? You could start here or do an internet search.

Photo by Matt Walsh on Unsplash